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For the two of you

Are we
compatible?

Not a vibe check. Forty years of attachment research, pointed at the pair of you.

You each answer 36 statements — about each other. Ten minutes, separately, no peeking. Then both of you land on one map.

  1. 1You get a three-letter code
  2. 2Send it to them, answer your side
  3. 3Results unlock when you've both finished

No sign-up. Nothing saved. Gone in 24 hours.

So what's an attachment style?

It's the shape of how you do closeness: what you expect when you reach for someone, and what you do when they're not there yet. Two dials, really — how much you worry about the connection, and how much you keep space around it.

Where you sit on those two dials is your style. Where the two of you sit together is the interesting part — and the part a solo quiz can't reach.

The four, briefly

Secure

Closeness is fine, distance is fine. Says the awkward thing early.

Anxious

Tuned to the connection. Silence gets read as a message.

Avoidant

Handles it alone first. Intensity makes room feel urgent.

Both at once

Wants closeness and braces against it. The hardest one to read from inside.

Nobody is one box neatly. You'll get a position on a map, not a label to live in. More on the four styles.

A peek at the result

The pursue–withdraw engine

“One of you moves toward the other for reassurance; the other pulls back for room. Each move makes the next one more likely.”
Stability: higher Satisfaction: lower

One of ten pairings. Yours comes with its studies attached.

Why there's no score out of ten

Because the research never produced one, and inventing a number is the one thing that would make this useless. Satisfaction and stability come back separately — some pairings are durable without being easy, and one blended percentage would hide exactly that.

You get the finding, in plain words, with the study underneath it. Where nothing has ever been measured for your combination, we say so instead of guessing.

Before you start: the honest bit

Completely anonymous
No account, no email. Nothing is written to disk, and your code expires within 24 hours.
What they'll see
Your position on the map and which pattern fits you. That's the point of pairing — but worth knowing before you answer.
What stays yours
Anything you write in the optional questions, and the reading of it, are shown to you alone. Never to them. Nobody here reads your words and nothing keeps them: they go once, anonymously, to an outside AI to be interpreted — no name, no code, no score, nothing that says who you are goes with them. That AI may retain what it’s sent, so leave out names.
Not a clinical tool
A published questionnaire used well, not a diagnosis and not therapy.

Where this comes from

The 36 statements are the ECR (Brennan, Clark & Shaver, 1998) — the standard adult attachment measure — administered about a specific partner rather than about relationships in general.

The couple findings come from Senchak & Leonard (1992), Simpson (1990), Feeney (1994), Cohn et al. (1992), Collins & Read (1990) and Kirkpatrick & Davis (1994). Anything about the long term is drawn only from studies that actually followed people over years.

Read the full source list

Questions people ask

Can they see my answers?
No. They see where you landed on the map and which pattern fits — never a single slider, and never anything you write in the optional questions. That part, and the reading of it, stays yours alone.
What if we come out badly matched?
There's no doomed pairing here. Satisfaction and stability are separate findings — some difficult-sounding combinations last unusually well — and every pairing's entry ends on what the research says actually helps.
Can my style change?
Measurably, yes. When researchers re-tested the same people months apart, a substantial number had moved — and partners shift each other, in both directions. Today is a starting point, not a verdict.
Does this work for us if we're not straight?
Yes. The questionnaire and the pairing findings apply to any two people. One section draws on 1990s studies that only sampled heterosexual couples, so it appears only when it honestly applies — everything else is yours regardless.
Do I have to do it with a partner?
This one takes two: every statement is about a specific person, and the result is about the pair of you. Ten minutes each, separately — you don't even need to be in the same time zone.

Got a code?

They've set up a pair for the two of you. Three letters, and you're in.